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Name: Bhaktin Amber
Date of Birth: 9 April 1987
Nationality: British
Our First Devotee from Leicester
Bhaktin Amber was born and raised in
Leicester, more precisely she grew up in Brownstone, a suburb of
Leicester. In fact she is the only devotee ever coming from Brownstone,
a crime ridden and seemingly hopeless housing estate.
Amber was some six or seven weeks
at the Leicester temple. During that time she made amazing progress in Krishna
consciousness. When she joined the temple she started with one round of
Hare Krishna japa. Every day she increased her rounds by one additional
round. Once she reached 12 rounds she asked if she could chant 16 rounds
straight away. She took chanting her rounds very seriously, never
chanting less than the promised 16. This determination will surely
promote her back home back to Godhead in this very life time. There is
no doubt about this.
Coming to Krishna Consciousness
Amber met one of our devotees on the
street. He started preaching to her. Days later she met him again. This
time she started to read the book he gave her. In fact she did not read
the book, she literally devoured this piece of transcendental
literature.
Sometimes she just appeared in the temple, with her book, and sitting
somewhere totally absorbed. She red any book we gave her over and over
again, as if she could never get enough of it. Then she started to come
to the Sunday program. She loved to dance and chant, moving forward and
backward in unison with the other devotees in a choreographed way.
Devotees preached to her during the feast.
However, one thing she never understood. As soon as she moved into the
temple and started to wear a sari devotees stopped preaching to her, because now she was looked upon
as a 'mataji'. She felt this was acting on the bodily platform and that
was not what Srila Prabhupada intended with his International Society
for Krishna consciousness. Moreover, it was not in the spirit of the
books. Why should preaching stop when devotees move into the temple?
Living at the Hare Krishna Temple
Bhaktin Amber never lived in a
Hare Krishna temple before. It was her first experience. The prasadam was
initially reason for concern as she was a strict vegan. However, Bhakta
Gary was very accommodating and especially made her chapattis without
ghee or butter. One day Amber excitedly said: "You know what?
Bhakta Gary went into the kitchen and made chapattis without butter especially for
me!" She was impressed that, after all what she had experienced so
far, a brahmacari would do such a thing for a 'mataji'.
Attraction
for the Leicester Temple
Clearly it was the devotees who preached to
her that attracted Amber to the temple. Later on she developed a great attachment
for Giriraja, especially
His smiling face. This Lord she worshiped with all her heart. Surely
Giriraja will never forget her service. By dint of this service alone
she will one day return to the association of Vaishnavas again.
What
about preaching?
Amber was a born preacher. After only six
weeks in Krishna consciousness she asked if she could go out on the
streets distribute books. She was so eager. Tirelessly she preached for hours on end and
gave out many books from the moment she stepped onto the street. She
also loved to distribute temple invitation leaflets and Ratha Yatra
leaflets, either on the street or through letterboxes. In this she was
extremely quick also. "Can I go out distribute Ratha Yatra
leaflets?" Her eagerness to distribute Srila Prabhupada's books
became evident when she said "Haribol, after I've done Giri
(preparing flowers and fruit for Giriraja) may I do books? I'll dress
warm." She could even be challenging and forceful being only
concerned about the welfare of others, "what are you doing, come
on. The people need mercy! If you're not coming at least get me some
books so I can go."
She had such a forceful attitude that nobody could resist her on the
street. This attitude along with her lovely smile was a recipe for
success. Amber never liked competition with the other devotees, even
though she was seriously a challenge for them. There is no doubt that
she would have become the book distributor number one given a little bit
more time. She always said what really mattered was the combined score
of all the devotees in Leicester.
Amber
was very enthusiastic for studying. She stopped going to school at an
early age but did instead home schooling. No one was pushing her to
study. She did it on her own accord. So motivated she was. When she
heard that Srila Prabhupada called schools 'slaughterhouses of modern civilization'
she couldn't have agreed more. She was used to study 11 hours and more
for her eleven GCSE subjects. Her LEA officer was more than impressed
with her studies. Had she gone to school she would have received top
marks in all subjects.
Amber was convinced not to sit her GCSE exams. She didn't have to prove
to anyone what she knew. Her studies were for her own good. This view
was somehow challenged when she met Radhanatha Swami. Maharaja told her
to do her exams for Krishna. She was thinking very deeply about that.
After her meeting with Maharaja she couldn't sleep all night long. She
said the guru made such an impression on her mind.
Bhaktin Amber had a great attraction for Maharaja. In that meeting she
asked him in a choked up voice how to cope with the loss of her dear
friend Adele. This was a very emotional moment for Amber. Maharaja was
very compassionate to her and said 'learn how to cry for Krishna'. This
instruction she could never forget. It went around and around in her
head. She took it very seriously thinking about it all night long.
Bhaktin
Amber was always ready to apologize
when something went wrong. She was always ready to adjust herself to a new
situation. Once she sent a message: "Haribol Gauranga, I'm outside
just now reading the 'Science of Self Realisation'. Mataji talked with me.
Now I'm thinking I'm very sorry."
Another time she was in great distress due to the impersonal dealings of
others. Amber has always been very sensitive to the atmosphere surrounding
her. This was rather one of her assets but also caused her much pain. She
wrote one day:" Gauranga I can't stop crying, now my eyes hurt so
much. I'm so very sorry, Mercy! Sisterji."
In her distress she loved walking in nature for many hours, "I've
gone out on a walk", "I'm at
one with nature." This was her way of coping with difficult
situations as she had hardly anyone to talk to. People were either not
interested in her, were overly attached to following rules and regulations
for the sake of the rules and regulations only, had not much compassion and
were therefore too busy looking after themselves, or just didn't have any
time in their ever so busy lives. Others felt they had enough problems of
their own and could therefore not extend themselves. Again others felt
Amber was a liability for the temple and would have rather seen her not
joining Krishna consciousness altogether.
Amber was always eager to do any service she has been asked for,
"Haribol Gauranga, do you need anything doing at the post
office?" She never liked to be called 'mataji' as she felt she was
too young to be called 'mother'. Therefore she invented the term 'sisterji'.
"Bonjour Gauranga, I'm outside if you need me. May I talk to you
later. It's not urgent. Haribol, sisterji." Such an attitude of
eagerness to serve is the motor of spiritual advancement. It was her
secret of success in Krishna consciousness.
Amber was also assertive when she needed to, "Haribol, we NEED to
talk!", or "Yes I'm up, I need a little help", and polite and considerate when it was called for,
"Haribol Gauranga, please call me when you can, thank you, sisterji.",
or "Haribol, are you able to talk?" Once she was told to not
address devotees with their first name but call them Prabhu instead. She
immediately understood that and adjusted accordingly, "Haribol
Gauranga Prabhu, are you free to talk?" or "Haribol Prabhu, can
I speak with you about book distribution?"
Amber
loved the Gita verse:
matra-sparsas tu kaunteya
sitosna-sukha-duhkha-dah
agamapayino 'nityas
tams titiksasva bharata
"O son of Kunti, the nonpermanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, O scion of Bharata, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed."
She particularly liked the word 'titiksasva',
'just try to tolerate'. She knew she had to tolerate so many things
in her life and she tried very hard to do just that. Amber learned the
above verse by heart. It was her favorite verse. She was a very quick
learner who learned many other verses in a very short time. She had a
brilliant memory and learned rather by hearing then by reading. Once she
said not to tell her things twice or to repeat instructions. She could
remember everything by just hearing it once. |
A
Perfect Servant
Bhaktin Amber was a perfect servant.
She was always ready to serve and engage in any devotional service given
to her. She knew that the aim of devotional service was to please
Krishna and thus get His mercy. Her service attitude was exemplary. She
never moaned about a service she didn't like nor did she try to avoid
such service. All what she wanted was Krishna's mercy.
Amber also understood that if she served the devotees she could please
Krishna more than serving Him directly. That is what she tried to do for
instance when opening the door for devotees who left the temple room
with a full arati plate in their hands.
Preaching is the Essence
She preached as much as possible, in fact
Amber took every opportunity to preach.
She
also took part in school programs, which she was especially trained for at a
teacher training seminar with Rasamandala prabhu. During her first school
program she had to do the arati for Lord Jagannatha, a service she never did
before. She rose to the challenge without complains and did the needful.
That was one of her great qualities. It is needless to say that the children
liked her and made easily friends with her.
In
fact that school asked us to again come back and give another introduction
to Krishna consciousness for another group of children, so much the teacher
was impressed. The children loved every bit of the program, especially when
they could inspect the paraphernalia. They played the kartals, chanted and
danced the Swami step. It was a very interactive afternoon. At the end
everyone joined into a huge roar of Gauranga and Haribol!
Service,
Service, and More Service
Preaching and book distribution was Amber's
favorite service. Of course she engaged in all kind of other services as
well, ranging from collecting flowers for Giriraja, preparing His fruit
offering, starting the project of compiling devotee profiles, working on
a newsletter, leaflet distribution, counting the sankirtana and harinam
collections, secretarial work such as filing
etc., cleaning, taking photos and much more.
Amber took Giriraja's flower and fruit offering very serious. She knew
that these services were direct expressions of love for her Supreme
Lord. Her arrangements of fruits and flowers were so diligent and
artistic that one could see the bhakti just by looking at the offering.
Amber was a quick learner in every aspect of her service. Nothing had to
be repeated twice. She was bright, intelligent and fully aware of human
relationships and interactions. Moreover, she was very sensitive to the
atmosphere surrounding her. This in itself caused her much pain.
She interviewed devotees with a tape recorder, knowing well they would
never have the time to write their own profile. Once recorded she
faithfully transcribed the interviews on computer. This is how Urvashi's
and Bhakta Gary's profile came about. The latter still needs to be
transcribed. This service was of course so important and promising. We
are therefore sad that we are again without any help in this area.
Compassion for All Living Creatures
Amber felt compassion for all living
creatures. She was a Vegan long before she came to Krishna
consciousness. Amber came from the straight cut (edge) punk scene and has been
accustomed to follow all the regulative principles of Krishna
consciousness such as no meat eating, fish or eggs, no intoxication,
drugs, cigarettes, tea coffee, and chocolate, no gambling or mental speculation
and no illicit sex. It was therefore relatively easy for her to take to
Krishna consciousness. All she needed was to add Krishna to her
life. And that she did with great enthusiasm.
It is safe to say that Amber
would have liked to see devotees to be more personal amongst each other.
This in itself will create such an attractive 'Vaikuntha
atmosphere' that no one will be able to resisted joining.
A special Tribute to Bhaktin Amber
This is a special tribute to Bhaktin
Amber because she unfortunately left the temple at the end of July 2003.
We are all very sad that we were not able to keep her and that we lost
her wonderful service and association. Srila Prabhupada used to say that if someone
leaves the association of devotees it is at least 50 percent the fault
of those living at the temple. Srila Prabhupada also said it takes
gallons of blood to make a devotee. Therefore we must wholeheartedly look after all
devotees so they may not leave.
We have not, however, the slightest doubt that Amber will return to
Krishna consciousness in the future again. In fact she is out there somewhere and is
preaching about reincarnation and karma. Our dear most wish is, sisterji,
that you will fully take up devotional service in the near future again. The
material energy treats one very rough, but Krishna's shelter is so, so
sweet. In Srimad Bhagavatam is a very nice excerpt about pleasure and
pain in Krishna consciousness, and that pleasure and pain, which is
caused by one's karma. As a heartfelt dedication, this is for you
sisterji:
"Although a Vaisnava's happiness and distress are felt as pleasure and pain, just like ordinary karmic reactions, they are different in a significant sense. Material happiness and distress, arising from karma, leave a subtle residue-the seed of future entanglement. Such enjoyment and suffering tend toward degradation and increase the danger of falling into hellish oblivion.
Happiness and distress generated from the Supreme Lord's desires, however, leave no trace after their immediate purpose has been served. Moreover, the
Vaishnava who enjoys such reciprocation with the Lord is in no danger of falling down into nescience. As Yamaraja, the lord of death and the judge of all departed souls, declares,
jihva na vakti bhagavad-guna-namadheyam
cetas ca na smarati tac-caranaravindam
krsnaya no namati yac-chira ekadapi
tan anayadhvam asato 'krta-visnu-krtyan
"My dear servants, please bring to me only those sinful persons who do not use their tongues to chant the holy name and qualities of
Krishna, whose hearts do not remember the lotus feet of Krishna even once, and whose heads do not bow down even once before Lord
Krishna. Send me those who do not perform their duties toward Vishnu, which are the only duties in human life. Please bring me all such fools and rascals." (Bhag. 6.3.29)
The beloved devotees of the Lord do not regard as very troublesome the suffering He imposes on them. Indeed, they find that in the end it gives rise to unlimited pleasure, just as a stinging ointment applied by a physician cures his patient's infected eye.
In addition, suffering helps protect the confidentiality of devotional service by discouraging intrusions by the faithless, and it also increases the eagerness with which the devotees call upon the Lord to appear. If the devotees of Lord Visnu were complacently happy all the time, He would never have a reason to appear in this world as
Krishna, Ramacandra, Nrsimha and so on. As Krishna Himself says in Bhagavad-gita (4.8),
paritranaya sadhunam
vinasaya ca duskrtam
dharma-samsthapanarthaya
sambhavami yuge yuge
"To deliver the pious and annihilate the miscreants, as well as to reestablish the principles of religion, I Myself appear, millennium after millennium."
And without the Lord's showing Himself on earth in His original form of Krishna and in the forms of various incarnations, His faithful servants in this world would have no opportunity to enjoy His rasa-lila and other pastimes.
Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti here counters a possible objection: "What fault would there be in God's incarnating for some other reason than to deliver saintly persons from suffering?" The learned acarya responds, "Yes, my dear brother, this makes good sense, but you are not expert in understanding spiritual moods.
Please listen:
It is at night that the sunrise becomes attractive, during the hot summer that cold water gives comfort, and during the cold winter months that warm water is pleasing. Lamplight appears attractive in darkness, not in the glaring light of day, and when one is distressed by hunger, food tastes especially good." In other words, to strengthen
His devotees' mood of dependence on Him and longing for Him, the Lord arranges for His devotees to go through some suffering, and when He appears in order to deliver them, their gratitude and transcendental pleasure are boundless."
Amber
had few friends amongst the devotees, perhaps too few. Urvashi was one of
them and Priyarani and Ananga Manjari were others. Ananga Manjari was very warm and
lovingly towards Amber, being herself a mother. Such closeness and warmth
was the right atmosphere for Amber to flourish. However, Ananga Manjari was
far away and was only reachable by phone most of the time. Amber also spoke
and wrote to Shyamasakhi who will be joining us in October. A nice
relationship evolved. However, coming in October was perhaps a little too
late for Amber.
Preaching and making new devotees takes always some personal risk. Not only
that, it also takes much energy or in Srila Prabhupada's words 'gallons of
blood'. However, for the preaching mission and for the pleasure and
satisfaction of guru and gauranga we would take those risks over and over
again, not heeding the words of criticizers and detractors. After all, even
Srila Prabhupada was criticized for his ways of spreading Krishna
consciousness. Preaching does not follow a stereotype pattern. One has to be
inventive and be prepared to do the needful according to time, place and
circumstances. Most of all, one has to give himself one hundred percent.
Bhakti yoga is known as a balance act on a razor's edge. Both
extremes are not helpful, i.e. to be overly fanatic and to be too loose. A
simple example might help to understand the point.
A small child stands in the middle of a busy street. It could only be
minutes away till she is run over by a car. However, the traffic light shows
red. Are we waiting till it is green? It might be too late then. Or are we
running blindly for her rescue not heeding the busy traffic ourselves? Non of these two is the
answer. No, we don't wait for the traffic light even if some criticize that
we are compromising the highway code. But we are not blindly
running into the road risking our own lives either. The answer lies in the
middle. We find the next possible gap in the traffic and with a minimum of
risk for our own life we take that small girl by the hand and hurl her into
safety. Therefore the following words by H.H. Sivarama Swami in a letter to
me are of special
significance, condolence and encouragement:
"I want to thank you for taking the responsibility and risks that come along with preaching. I know it is not easy and not always
fully appreciated by everyone. Please continue and know you are blessed by Lord
Caitanya."
(Profile
written by Gauranga Sundara das) |
